I cry and wait alone

I cry and wait alone upon the guilt of my shame, and upon my hurt and hatred; 
I speak silent obsessive prayers from within me, at war with myself, ashamed of my horrid sins; 
I see, in distant time, the girl controlled by her addiction, crying, alone, consumed, confused; 
I see that girl taken by her pride – I see the powerful demon of giving in; 
I hide the truth of torture and abandoned love, longing to be seen – I live this life full of fear; 
I hear the bells of victory, success, celebration – I have covered eyes and ears; 
I hold a memory of her – I see the children laughing who do not know hurt, enjoying their time of innocence; 
I wander the streets and cities darkened by black plaques of selfishness, pride, and of greed, as is the world; 
All these – All the pain and persistence without gain, I waiting, cry alone, 
Crave, long, and am silent.