Pain

I have recently realized just how much pain has been so obsessively controling my life this past year. Whether it's from arguing with my brother orinjuring my foot and being on crutches for what seems like endless weeks. Or the loss of good friends due to death or the purchasing of a new home. Secrets being uncovered by the wrong people and thrown in my face. Hurting for a friend so they don't have to. Being so angry at someone or something that it burns inside of you, creating an endless whole within the heart. Protecting everyone around you, but damaging yourself in the process, often alot harder than you are able to handle. Being extremely argumentative and defensive even if you know you are wrong. The open wounds inside of you bleeding endlessly and fighting like hell to pretend it's all ok. Holding the weight of the world on your shoulders so everyone else can go through life pain free while you are crushed beneath the pressure. Crying yourself to sleep everynight for monthes because the hurt inside of you is so overbearing, but too much for anyone else to understand, including yourself. Spending money on things you dont want or need, but pretend to so you can hide your innerself because you are terrified of rejection. Pushing yourself so far that everything inside of you is SCREAMING to let go, but you know that if the world saw the real you, they would drop you on your head like a match with a monsterously uncontrolable flame that burns the skin. Drinking and feeling ashamed, but still better then before that bottle of beer. And it burns as the whiskey slides down the throat and enters the pit of my stomach, but somehow, it manages to cover up the hurt inside so everyone else sees a silly happy girl who is really lying to the surrounding faces because she can't face the truth or have anyone else discover how much pain she is really in. Why does pain make people so stupid?